Why I started this blog

I started this blog as I have been living in Hertfordshire for 3.5 years. For the first two years I kept my job in London.  Whilst the commute was stressful I had the best of both worlds, I had lunch with interesting friends at work and the two days of the week I had in Stevenage  were for doing the school runs, having weekly meetings with friends and having coffee dates. I’m now here full time.  At first I was busy with kids medical appointments and sorting out family life.  Now things have settled down and my youngest child is at preschool half day, I have started to feel lonely. Gone are the weekly meetings and the busy – ness.  I have to really work to get a fortnightly coffee date.  So yes life is less manic but is there enough person to person contact ?

So a feeling of lonliness is also a part of my feeling low or mildly depressed.  So I looked examined myself.  Why do I feel so lack lustre? Just recently a young woman died in our church leaving a husband and young child and it prompted me to examine my feelings.  I looked at what is missing in my life and what was I doing before that made me happy that I’m not doing now.  Well it was quite interesting.  One thing that kept me up beat was weekly Church attendance at a Pentecostal church.  The Church I attended had really lively worship session which allowed you the freedom to move, dance and roll on the floor if you wanted to.  People often shouted, cried, felt excitement in the service.  I miss that. I now attend a Baptist church which is a quieter more reflective way of worshipping.  I am challenged by the word and the emphasis on mission. I love the church and the support it gives so I would not swap now but I may have to visit my roots now and again.

I also do not excercise in a way that provides a similar release to being in a Pentecostal service.  I cycle for 40 mins most Mondays but I could do another 40 min ride in the week.  I’ve stopped doing yoga.  Yoga really helped with my mood and my core muscles.

Finally I do not sing in a choir.  I am part of the worship team at Church which means I sing once per month.  I was a member of a choir  during most of my teens in my early 20’s and 30’s. I found that singing in a choir provided a release.  You sing out all the impurities and negative feelings, you are also part of a group that supports you.  Harmonising does something to my spirit.  People often say that a singer has made their hair stand on end or given them goosebumps.  Singing in harmony does that for me especially high notes.  

I don’t really go out dancing. I’ve started to dance in the house with my gospel music got to do that more often.

In absence of activites that help me to release those good feelings (endorphins), depression or low mood can kick in.  I know the lonliness is a feeling as there are people around me I can meet with and talk to I just need to put in a little more effort.  The excercise, singing and dancing can be remedied, just need careful planning and looking at the alternatives.

I’ve found it useful to do this type or reflection as it helps me to formulate a plan of action as to how I can remedy my own problems.  Do you spend enough time reflecting on how you can improve life for yourself?  I’m increasingly noticing that its the small things that can cause the most extreme discomfort and its also the small adjustments that can make all the difference.